Give From the Heart, Not (Necessarily) From the Wallet
December 19, 2012Christmas is supposed to be a time of goodwill and cheer as families and friends gather to celebrate the holiday. Unfortunately for some, this will also be a time of nerve-racking stress as they compete with other shoppers to find the best deals on gifts in an attempt to check off every item on their list. In the end, many will have little more to show for it other than an upset stomach and a large credit card bill. This year, rather than succumb to the pressure advertisers put on us to buy, buy, buy, let us instead choose to give, give, give.
What exactly is the difference between buying and giving? Well, as I see it, buying is something you do with your wallet; giving is something you do with your heart. I’m not suggesting that someone who buys a gift to give to someone else is somehow heartless, but I am suggesting that there are ways to give that don’t require busting the piggy bank. I believe the secret to giving great gifts is being creative and speaking the other person’s love language (see The 5 Love Languages® by Dr. Gary Chapman).
As a husband and father, I’ve been looking for ways to do this for my wife and children this year. What follows are some of the ideas I’ve come up with. My Christmas wish is that you will find some inspiration from these nontraditional gift ideas that come from the heart and maybe a little from the wallet:
Do you have anyone on your list that would rather spend time with you rather than get something from you?
If so, then this person’s love language may be Quality Time. For those who speak this language, think of a gift you can give that allows you to spend more one-on-one time with this person.
My son Ethan loves to fish and he loves spending time with me, so for his birthday last month I got on the computer and made personalized gift certificates that he can redeem for one-on-one fishing trips with Dad. This may not seem like much, but this is actually a big deal. I have four children, and with Ethan being in the middle, it is rather difficult to be alone with him for any stretch of time. Now, if he redeems one of his gift certificates, he knows he’ll have Dad all to himself.
Whether it’s going out to dinner, catching a ball game, or just playing a board game at home, spending one-on-one time with a person who craves quality time is the best gift you can give them.
Do you have anyone on your list that would appreciate you doing something for them more than getting something from you?
If so, then this person probably responds best to Acts of Service. For this person, think of a gift that lets them relax while someone else does something for them.
This happens to be my language, and one of my favorite gifts from Christmas past was a handmade book of coupons from my kids for getting my car washed. Similar to the gift certificate I made for Ethan (are you starting to see a theme yet?), my kids made me vouchers so that whenever I felt my car was too dirty and needed a bath, they’d put on their swimsuits and have fun washing the car for me.
Is there someone in your life that works hard for others but is seldom treated to special service? Think about ways you can serve them. Maybe it’s picking up after the kids, doing the dishes, raking leaves, washing the car, or mowing the lawn. Nothing shows this person you love them more than serving them in a practical way.
Do you have anyone on your list that would prefer an encouraging word over getting something from you?
If so, then perhaps this person feels love through Words of Affirmation. Consider a gift that actually says how you feel about this person.
This is where you can get really creative. My wife and I like to leave little notes for each other and the kids around the house every once in a while. It would be fun to collect those notes and to put them together in a collage. Maybe you like to write letters, or poems, or songs. Consider putting them on special stationary and inside of a picture frame. That way, they could put it on their desk or hang it on their wall and be reminded of you every time they see it.
No matter how it’s said, telling someone who speaks this language how you feel about them is sure to bring a smile to their face and joy to their season.
Do you have anyone on your list that would rather hold your hand than get something from you?
If so, then perhaps this person responds to Physical Touch. A gift for this person may include activities that bring the two of you closer together.
If this is your spouse, feel free to take this to a romantic level. Bubble baths, massages, even a weekend getaway could be the perfect gift for someone that speaks this language. Other physical activities may include ice skating, roller skating, or walking on the beach (where the two of you can hold hands); going to an amusement park or rock concert (where the two of you can get really squished together); and going camping or on a road trip (where you maintain close proximity to others).
Now I confess some of these activities may cost a little more than others, but hugs and kisses are free.
Do you have anyone on your list that, well, doesn’t respond to any of the previously mentioned things?
If so, then perhaps this person speaks the language of Gifts. A person that speaks this language may prefer several small gifts to one big gift, or perhaps gifts that don’t come all at once.
Gifts that would appeal to this person may include a subscription to an item-of-the-month club or a gift basket. Gift baskets are a great way to be creative without going overboard on the amount you spend. Every year, Susan and I get a gift basket, and every time we use an item from the basket we think about the person that gave it to us. It is, as they say, a gift that keeps on giving.
Well, I’m sure there are lots of practical gifts that you can think of to give this holiday season. Remember, most people appreciate gifts that mean something, so give from the heart and try not to get fooled by all the commercialism that surrounds the holidays. After all, whatever is this year’s “must have” will be overtaken by something bigger, brighter, and faster next year.
We at the Ward family would like to wish all of you a very Merry Christmas and best wishes for a happy and healthy new year!